500-days-of-hermit:

Sometimes all you really want are some nudes

hardcorerockinn:

saying “no we can’t” when bob the builder and his gang said “can we fix it?” because you were a rebellious cunt of a child

they-call-me-wonder-woman:

h0odrich:

It’s mad depressing when u eat the last piece of candy but you didn’t look at the bag and realize it was the last one so you could truly appreciate it for what it was worth

This speaks to me on a deep emotional level.

knifefarty:

if i had the power to control time i would probably just use it to sleep more

egberts:

sodamist:

egberts:

i think my cat is allergic to cats

That sounds pretty
Catastrophic

i hope you get arrested for that

The Colbert Report | May 22nd 2013

grymshaw:

i recognize and fully admit that i’m addicted to the internet but considering i could be addicted to drugs or alcohol or sex i think i did pretty good ok

Michael in AHWU #164 (Week of May 20th, 2013)

hungarian:

it’d be cool to speak like 20 different languages & keep it a secret from everyone & then during a time of crisis, u could speak some fluent russian to some russian guy holding a gun to your head & all your friends will be like daaamn